Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

     Some of you may have heard this poem by Robert Frost, for me it has come to be a mantra in my life and I have finally decided to tell people why. For a while now I have been pondering on life and how every decision we make affects our future in some way or the other. It can be good or bad, or we may not know what it will develop into, but the roads we choose change the course of our life no matter what. Here's how this simple phrase from a famous poem became my life motto and has allowed me to work up the courage to talk about a life changing experience.
     I am assuming a lot of people that are reading this right now know me, whether you know me well or not, I am sure you know that I am shy. I may seem stuck up or stand offish because I am too shy and introverted for my own good. I have always been that way. When I was little my dad had to say my part for me every year in the primary program. I had to work up the courage all class to have the confidence to answer a question for my teacher, and if I got it wrong I was devastated because I worked so hard and failed. Luckily, I found a scapegoat to help me cope with this and that was soccer.

Little me. 

    When I found soccer my life lit up. I was able to perform on the field and I was actually pretty good. This allowed me to open up to my teammates, build confidence in myself, and grow as a person. Soccer was my life for 14 straight years. I woke up, went to school, went to soccer, then went to bed. I absolutely loved my life like that and I learned a lot. I learned team work, I learned how to win and how to lose, I learned how to be confidant, I was humbled, I was pushed to my limits, I gained a second family, and most of all I was part of a team. The time came for me to graduate to the next level of soccer and that was college soccer. I was blessed to have offers from a couple of schools but they were all out of state and that is where I realized I had a problem.
     As the time came to commit to a school, I didn't. It wasn't because I didn't want to go and play in college or give up soccer, it was because I physically and emotionally could not handle it. The thought of being somewhere that was thousands of miles away from "home" and the idea of change terrified me. Fortunately, I had worked hard enough in school that I was accepted to BYU. This allowed me the decision to take the "road less traveled by". Although I was excited for BYU, it hurt me to give up playing college soccer and to watch all of my teammates go play, but through some prayer and a disorder I wasn't aware of yet I took the road less traveled.

Me playing high school soccer senior year. 

    Finally, it came time for my second year at BYU and I was moving into an apartment with my friends. These girls were my best friends, and still are but I was scared out of my mind. Of course, like a lot of people know, I am stubborn so I didn't tell anyone how truly anxious I was to move out and live on my own. This became a problem because my first night in the apartment I had an anxiety attack. There aren't many words that can be used to describe one of these, just trust me when I say they are not pleasant. I drove home from Provo at 2 AM and acted as if everything was ok. My mom, being a mom knew there was something wrong and dragged me to the doctor. To start off, I was utterly embarrassed that I was 19 years old and I couldn't live 45 minutes away from my house. On top of that I was horrified that when I went to the doctor she put me on medication and told me I needed to go talk to a therapist. I spent countless nights crying and even became depressed because I had no confidence in myself. But, my mom dragged me to the therapist and it turned out to be the best thing that happened to me in a while.
     I found out that I had an anxiety disorder, which was a no brainer considering my childhood, and also that I was depressed. I had recently had major ankle surgery, I wasn't able to play soccer, I had lost 10 pounds and I was made to be an anxious person. My life seemed to be falling to pieces and I was devastated. I worked with my therapist for a couple of months and was improving immensely and that is when I dropped a bomb on her.
     I walked into therapy and told her that I was going to teach English in Russia for 4.5 months. I still remember the look on her face, surprised is an understatement. In fact everyone I told didn't think I would actually go through with it. Now this is where the second less traveled road comes in for me. At this time in my life I was seriously considering going to serve an LDS mission for 18 months and I was trying to decide between that and going to volunteer in Russia. It was my age group who at that October General Conference was eligible to go on missions earlier than 21 and everyone was doing it! One Sunday I had 4 farewells in a row for some of my girlfriends that had decided to go serve the Lord and I love that they did. They are an inspiration to me, but I learned that this is not what I needed to do. I got an answer to a prayer that I needed to go to Russia and so I went on another road less traveled by and it has made all the difference.
    Going to Russia was the best decision of my life I have made so far. I worked hard with my therapist before I left to make sure I wouldn't have anxiety attacks over there, I brought my medicine with me, and that morning I left for the airport I was scared out of my wits to leave and go not just 45 minutes, but 5,165 miles away from home. But guess what, I did it! I not only survived without any issues, I lived in Russia!!!! Life was full and great and I grew more in that 4 months as a person than I had in a long time. Most of all I proved to myself that I could overcome hard things and do anything that I set my mind to.

Loving St. Petersburg, Russia

Me playing with my kids. 

     The reason I decided to tell this story is because I know that even if you don't care you hopefully can get something out of this last little bit. No matter how low in life you may feel, there will be better days ahead. No matter how deep in despair you are, there is a loving Savior, Jesus Christ, who will lift you up out of it. I would not have made it through the past year if I had not relied on the solid foundation of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I spent countless hours praying for comfort and relying on what I know to be true. That is that because of the Atonement, Christ knows exactly how you are feeling and what you are going through. He suffered in Gethsemane for me, and for you. He bled from every poor and suffered every pain and affliction so He could know how to help me with my anxiety disorder. He can help you with whatever you may be going through no matter how big or small. I also learned that even though trials are never what one wishes for, they are given to us for a reason. This trial will always be a part of my life and it severely affected me for about 6 months, but looking back on how much I have learned, how deep my testimony has become, and the person I am today because of it, I wouldn't change my situation for anything. So wake up every morning and smile because you ARE a Child of God and He does love you. Heavenly Father is watching over you and you can overcome anything when you are holding Christ's hand.
     So as you can see, I took the road less traveled by twice and it has made all of the difference. It was a bumpy, uphill, lonely at times, and scary road but I took it and I conquered it. I served 50 kids, I have been getting a fantastic education, and I met and learned about people and cultures that have changed my view on life. If you are facing a choice between two roads, don't be afraid to take the one less traveled, it will be challenging but it may just be the best thing you have ever done in your life. I can testify to you that that is the truth.